We learn so much from the courage and vision of our clients, and I know you will too. Here’s a story that might inspire you to dig a little deeper to understand a pattern you find difficult to break. We’re pretty sure life is all about seeking, discovering, and growing, and we’re so grateful our clients keep sending us their examples of using the Handel Method® to do just that. (If you’d like your story featured next, email coach@handelgroup.com)
Sherri Hostage participated in the September 2011 New York Design Your Life Weekend, and wanted to figure out how to get out of the repeating negative patterns with her separated husband, and her life in general. So where did she go look? Her lineage. What she found was completely unexpected, revolutionary, and provided the missing pieces of the puzzle of her. Here is her story, in her own words:
“Last January, I was working on understanding my former marriage and what patterns I created in it, so that I could break free from them. My coach was convinced that there must be something hidden in my lineage: alcoholism, abuse, or adultery that paralleled my own relationship with my ex-husband. I told my coach, in no uncertain terms, that this was NOT the case. Not my Dad, not my Mom. They always had, and still have, an uncommonly beautiful relationship with each other.
Nevertheless I trusted the process and started asking my parents more questions about our family’s past. And then in April, when I was visiting my parents, I struck gold. My mom took me for a walk and told me that she was married briefly, and unhappily, to another man — my biological father! I was stunned. I had always thought that the man who raised me was my father.
And there, lo and behold were all of my missing traits and patterns! My biological dad was an alcoholic, physically abusive, and strayed from their marriage many times. He died of alcohol poisoning in Saigon when I was 2 years old and I never knew him. She had nothing good to say about him, which broke my heart… however, I understood.
I found the first family of my biological father. They are lovely and have been extremely warm and inviting. I have a half sister and two half brothers. They think the world of our father and have been able to give me a glimpse into the man that he was before alcohol changed him. It has meant a great deal to me to discover that my biological father was a funny, vibrant, caring and charismatic person.
Through getting to know my biological father, I have found a new understanding of my ex-husband, as well. I saw that both men were, and are, beautiful souls. They made poor choices, and they did not stand accountably, but I can now forgive them both.
I also discovered, through my lineage story, a story of my Mother that fills my heart every single day. When she left my biological father, she was in a foreign country, penniless, with an infant. Before knowing this story, I knew my Mom as a house wife — beautiful, charismatic, anxious, prone to depression, controlling and, I believed, timid in life. I know now that this is not a fair telling of the story. When she left my biological father, she took work as a hotel housekeeper to support us, worked her way up to manager and eventually was able to return to Taiwan. I started to see what a strong woman my mom is, and then I could see my strength, too. A perfect reminder, just when I needed it.
The gift of discovery and lineage… for me it brought, without a doubt, understanding, peace, forgiveness. I know who I am and where I came from, and can do something about it. Removing the ‘big lie’ opened a door to a relationship with my parents that I didn’t know was possible.”
Sherri altered her relationship to her ex, her parents and herself all in one fell swoop. That’s the amazing power of lineage research lineage. One question can lead to many amazing discoveries. But you have to be brave enough to ask, and to want to know more. If you are stuck in a pattern you just can’t understand you probably have missing information that would make all the difference. Don’t give up searching for clues–there is almost always someone who’ll want to talk when you really want to hear.
If you were moving to a new town you’d research all about it and wouldn’t be afraid to ask questions galore. Consider, your life is a new town, and you’ve moved in, but you don’t know all there is to know about the neighborhood. Exercise your right to ask and please share with us what you’ve learned in a comment. Every time one of us dares to go into taboo territory it clears a path for the others.
Love, Laurie
P.S.- If you want to learn more about how lineage may be impacting your life, come to one of our upcoming Design Your Life Weekends.
TWEET OF THE WEEK: One question can lead to many amazing discoveries, but you have to be brave enough to ask and to want to know more.