I am currently considering throwing a tantrum. My unwitting bosses have foolishly asked me to organize the holiday party. They have assured me that it is “my turn” and that I can delegate all the details and that it’s easy. They’ve even offered to help. But I know the truth: It’s a huge pain in the butt, destined to fall short of expectations. And, I have no choice. What they don’t understand is how ill-equipped I am do this right and my inability to delegate and trust others to help. And, worst of all, how important it is to me not to mess it up and how awful I will feel to be responsible for it.
Thanks for letting me process, folks. I’m having a lot of feelings. There is a lot going on in my head right now as the caged rat up there looks for every possible way out. I am ramping up all right. A tantrum seems like it will really help me let off steam and maybe even get me out of this. But who can I rant to (besides you!) and not thoroughly embarrass myself? So far, just my co-workers and you. I am hoping to get myself out of this before it goes any further.
There is a reason I have my steepest “designed” consequence ($50 donation to my friend Beth’s horseback riding fund) if I throw a tantrum. It’s because, although they only make more trouble, I enjoy a good tantrum from time to time. I haven’t grown up all that much and I still really, really feel strongly about avoiding any and all discomfort, oh, and getting my way. In this case my way would consist of punishing my bosses for giving me this role and getting out of it. Very mature.
Here is the tricky part, my tantrums look mature-ish. They aren’t quite obvious and so they can simmer for awhile. There is less all out crying and screaming involved than a typical child’s (though I will resort to that if absolutely necessary). I’ll usually just complain to those around me and be assuaged, but if nobody takes the thing I don’t like off my plate, I may take it to my bosses and dump it back on them. But they’ll know it’s a tantrum and I’ll have to pay my consequence. See how stuck I am?
I must solve this right now using my own best advice. I think I am already feeling calmer having written to you. I remember now that I teach people to “author” their lives, not just report on life and I could take back the reins on this horse any old time I want. So here goes.
1) Here and now and I am announcing that I accept responsibility for this challenge and will use it as a tool for growth. Some people even like planning and hosting parties. Imagine that.
2) I give up my right to throw a tantrum or dump on anyone about planning the holiday party.
3) It will be the best party we’ve ever had because I said so, and I believe it.
4) I can organize it in a stress-free manner if I want to.
5) I can picture the night itself going beautifully and inexpensively and everyone thanking me.
6) I acknowledge my feelings. I am afraid I’ll get it wrong and disappoint people. I am overwhelmed by everything on my plate. Fine.
7) In spite of my feelings, I am still going to have it be great and easy and even fun, because I get to say.
Thanks for saving me $50 bucks, folks. Thanks for listening as I processed and averted my tantrum. What was your last tantrum over? Any ramping up right now? They can be averted. Your thoughts influence your actions, which influence your results. Want better results? Start changing your mind. Talk yourself down right here in the comments section. I showed you mine, I want to see yours!
Love, Laurie
P.S.- The holidays are coming up fast; there is so much opportunity for tantrums! Learn how to author your life instead in our flagship course: the Design Your Life Weekend, Dec 3-4 in NYC and San Francisco.
If I Throw A Big Enough Tantrum, Can I Get Out of It?
