Did anyone feel like the holiday season came early this year? I did.
Maybe it was all the candles? The slower pace? Families bonding together? Communal meals? Being grateful for heat and light? My kids being home for an entire week? THANK YOU HURRICANE SANDY.
It’s too bad our “Design Your Holidays” teleseminar is coming up next week, because we could have used it before Hurricane Sandy so our heads woulda been screwed on straight about all of this out of the ordinary stress, travel, cooking and family. Let’s do a little check-in on how you weathered the storm mentally and emotionally.
Did you realize, you could choose your thoughts about all the upheaval?
This is such an important question. It’s so easy to have good thoughts and feelings when everything is going well, but you are truly tested when things aren’t going well. Just in case you haven’t grabbed hold of the steering wheel in your life, or as we say, begun “authoring” your life, let this blog be your moment to do the switcheroo from upset passenger to driver, and just in time for the actual holidays.
In case you don’t get to the teleseminar, here is your primer:
1) Watch for expectations or bad theories. If you find yourself dreading a certain meal, family member or event, there is probably a slew of old, bad theories hanging out in your head or something specific haunting you from the past. What an opportunity to learn and grow. Decide that this year you will expect something different, and know that your thoughts create your reality.
2) Plan the difficult conversations before everyone is together and hungry. You still have time to do research on the thing that’s haunting you: maybe your mom served something you are allergic to, maybe your uncle was totally inappropriate, maybe you didn’t understand how your dad treated your brother last year. In a very non-accusatory way, you can ask why! I dare you to want to know someone else’s perspective before expecting the worst. This is the greatest holiday gift you can give someone you love, but it’s easier said than done. For more on how to have difficult conversations CLICK HERE.
3) Say what you want/need. So often our orientation towards life is complaining. It is so easy to see what isn’t going as planned or how others are falling short of our expectations. Part of really growing up “Handel style” is knowing that you have the power and the obligation to ask for and design your life to go the way you want it to. Sometimes this will lead to fights, but they will always be the right fights if you can own up to your part of what’s “not working” and yet stay strong about what you want. We need to understand those around us, but we also need to help them understand us, by making clear plans and requests. The holidays are a time when lots of different constituents have lots of different needs. Not everyone is good at gracefully putting them on the table and negotiating how most can get met. You could be the leader of that this holiday season.
If you want more help, join one of our teleseminars or ask a question right here on the blog. Handel wishes you, in advance, a very rich, healthy, mature holiday, full of deep learning and connection. YUM.
Love, Laurie
P.S.- Do you need to get something off your chest before you see someone this holiday season? Come to The Art of Tough Conversations teleseminar to learn how to finally say what you need to say and be heard!