She is too funny for me not to “borrow” from. One of our coaches at Handel Group® Life Coaching, Marnie Nir, just published an article about dating mistakes and I just knew you’d be interested in her insights. It already has over 200 comments on Huffington Post, so I know people are really trying to figure out how to date well. Plus, it’s a new year and truly high time to think differently and act differently. And, since we know your thoughts influence your feelings and your feelings influence your actions, we’d like to start with dismantling your harmful THINKING when it comes to dating.
Before I share Marnie’s witty insights with you, do this short exercise. Take a moment to THINK about your list of reasons your mind THINKS UP for why dating isn’t working for you. Don’t peek! Come up with your list first.
Now see if Marnie guessed any of yours in her (very funny) list of options:
1. All the good ones are taken. And, you do mean ALL. Done. Sold-out. Standing room only, if you’re lucky. And, well, you’re not lucky, so there.
2. If, however, somehow, perchance, they are not ALL taken, then they are either
a) gay
–or–
b) don’t know that they are gay.
–or–
c) If you are gay, they are straight.
3. a) Your parents sucked as role models, so, inevitably you are screwed and it’s your parents’ ultimate fault and not yours. Heck, you are doing your best, given what you got.
b) Your parents’ marriage was great and you are still single because of them, as well. You couldn’t possibly try to emulate them. You’d only fail, so why bother?
4. Online dating is in fact a sanctuary for Satan. You are in hell. You know this for a fact: eHarmony = hell on earth.
5. All the men and women online (other than you) are ____-er than they said they were (i.e. fatter, older, balder, shorter, drunker, republicaner/liberaler, marrieder, etc).
6. When you finally lose the last ten pounds, he leaves his wife, you get a better job, a different mother, a different life coach and or therapist THEN you will be done with all the BS.
7. Your “perfect” man or woman must actually live in another city. And, not only do you never plan on moving, but the city you currently and will always live in has been dredged dry (see #1).
8. You haven’t found the right “rulebook” yet.
9. It takes luck and timing, and you’ve got neither.
10. You missed the (non-existent) boat.
11. The man or woman you didn’t really like way back when actually WAS THE ONE. S/he was greater than your memory serves (and your friends’ memories).
12. It’s your nose. That’s it. It has always been a problem. Sooo, you dated many in your past, even some great looking men/women. Nonetheless, your nose has always been the issue. Ah ha.
13. Sadly, if #12 weren’t enough, it’s the cellulite on your butt, or the size of your penis that is the real culprit and not the pint of ice cream you ate Saturday night to cheer you up about your nose.
I hope she didn’t offend you; she’s quite to-the-point! Please add your additional “dumb ass theories” in the comments section so that all walks of life may be represented.
And now, looking at it all, let’s change our minds. Let’s consider, it is none of these reasons, but rather, it’s something WE CAN ACTUALLY CHANGE. (Yea!)
For starters, you can come up with some new theories to prove, like you are good enough to fall in love, there are great men/women/transgendered people out there for you, love does exist and last if you work on it. Those were just a few ideas for new theories; please leave your own in the comment box below. New thinking will bring on new good feelings. Milk those good feelings by doing great things for yourself like eating healthy, exercising and clutter clearing.
Next comes taking the right actions (which often flows naturally from good feelings) in order to get yourself into the league from which you want to date and to get yourself some dates. We’ll show you exactly how if you join our 4-Week teleseries, Summer Lovin’, but if you can’t, please start online dating right away and follow my tried and true rules, which I posted a few months back.
Love,
Laurie